


i don't belong (and my beloved neither do you)

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Fighting, I'm...emotional, Pining, get your rarepair angst here, idk what else to say, rarepair angst anyone?, secret keeping, set during forbidden 18 months
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26105545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: They get close. Then drift apart.
Relationships: Saira al-Tahan/Amelia Earhart
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	i don't belong (and my beloved neither do you)

Amelia stands in the doorway and watches Saira sit at her desk. She’s mumbling and groaning as she looks through a mountain of paperwork over and over. The crease in her face is one Amelia’s seen plenty of times before and she thinks how it does nothing to negate the beauty in the other woman’s face.

She smiles to herself a moment before she gently knocks on the open door. Saira jumps and glares at the interruption only for a moment before she sees who it is and her face immediately softens. Her eyes flash an emotion of  _ something  _ before they go back to being neutral.

“Ah. Hey Am, what brings you here?”

Amelia straights up and walks through the door and slowly approaches the desk. She leans on it and gives Saira a knowing look, “It’s almost two in the morning, Saira,” she says.

Saira looks at her with confusion and disbelief,”What? No no that can’t be right it’s only...oh,” she says as she checks her watch.

Amelia laughs and lays a hand gently on Saira’s wrist, “Nervous about the meeting?”

Saira doubles down and takes her free hand to put it over the one Amelia has on her wrist. She seems to absentmindedly rub a thumb over hers and Amelia tries not to react, even if she wants to melt into it a little bit. “I’m not I’m just,” she bites her cheek, “I’m just...already frustrated. This is going to be a hard sell and I don’t need these...these arrogant asses trying to derail our  _ months _ of planning. I just hate having to grovel. If my family didn’t…” she stops. The air shifts slightly between them.

In the months they’ve worked together both women have kept many details of their past lives a secret from one another. They knew the basics. Amelia knew Saira used to work for one of  _ them _ , but the world was ending and beggars can’t be choosers so she agreed she’d play nice. Then something else shifted and they grew closer than either of them expected to. Late night planning. Late night drinking. Quiet moments as they’d sit on the floor and maybe be just a little too close to each other. One occasion they both fell asleep on opposite ends of the same couch in Saira’s office and in the morning neither could look each other in the eye until their blushes subsided.

So it’s not a surprise when Saira goes quiet as to not reveal too much of her past. The knowledge is too much of a risk to...whatever happening between them. There’s a part of Amelia that doesn’t want to know anyway, because she likes the Saira she has now. The confident and headstrong yet immensely kind halfling that can take down people triple her sizes with just her words. Amelia smiles and takes the hand on top of her and brings it up to her mouth and places a gentle kiss on the top of it. Saira smiles but tries to hide it by looking again.

“You’re going to do great, Saira. You..you always do. The hell with them if they give you trouble. If anyone can kick their asses into gear it’s you,” Amelia says.

They’re now properly holding hands. Neither of them are trying to draw any attention to it. “You’ll be there right?” Saira asks.

It’s usually not Amelia’s job to be too involved with the bureaucratic side of this mess. Sure, she’s a trusted member of it all but her skills are better used on the front lines and out on her ship, but these past few weeks she has sat in on more and more meetings. No one’s really questioned why, and she thinks that’s probably a good thing. “Of course,” she answers. Her voice is low and quiet, like it’s some sort of promise she doesn’t want anyone to hear despite them being the only ones here and it being the middle of the night.

“Thank you,” Saira says in just as low of a voice.

It’s quiet again save for a ticking clock on the wall at the far side of the room. Neither woman moves and they aren’t looking at each other but Saira is stroking Amelia’s hand in a rhythmic motion as she looks over the papers a few more times.

“Saira,” Amelia blurts out way louder than expected. Saira snaps to look at her. Amelia cringes a bit and smiles in apology, “sorry sorry I didn’t mean to be that loud. I just um...I think maybe after the meeting we should...talk,” she says. She’s trying to pick her words carefully while also beating down the nervousness bubbling in her chest and up her throat.

“Talk about...what exactly,” Saira replies. Amelia gives her a pointed look and squeezes her hand for added effect. The other woman’s eyes focus down and it takes a moment before realization hits on her face and a small, embarrassed smile appears on her face.

“Ah yes...that. I, um, yes okay I think that's probably a good idea,” she says. They both smile at each other. Amelia takes a moment to reposition herself as she steps closer to Saira. She leans in and places her forehead on hers. They both stay there for a moment, basking in the dangerous closeness of each other. Amelia gives a sigh as she leans back and finally lets go of their hands.

She points towards Saira, “But for now you need to sleep. Come on, this will be here later, and you need your rest to deal with our  _ special guests _ tomorrow,” she says. Saira laughs and sighs as she finally gets up from her chair.

They walk out of the room together but split off different directions down the hallway. They each give a small wave to each other as they go. Like school children saying goodbye to their crushes.

The next morning they sit in a room with four other people. Saira demands the attention as she pleads their case about the funds they need. About the newest mission at hand and what they can do now to try and stop the spread of whatever this is and how to help those affected by it most. Amelia watches the suits as they watch Saira. She can tell they’re not convinced, which makes her skin crawl in annoyance. This war with a faceless enemy has made people clam up. No one is as willingly to help nowadays when the harlequins need it most. It’s infuriating to say the least and this meeting, a meeting that Saira has been prepping for weeks on, is about to be another dead end.

“I implore you to please look at these charts and numbers and see that with just a little more help we can get this done. We can both save lives and get better answers about what we’re fighting,” Saira closes her argument. She’s shaking slightly but trying to hide it.

The suits look at each other a moment. At second glance Amelia thinks that there is at least one on board with the idea, but the majority goes and though it’s a small moral victory it won’t be enough.

They say as much when they turn back to Saira, “I’m sorry miss Al-Tahan we can’t do it,” they say “too much of a risk,” they say, “a battle already lost, cut your loses and run while you can,” they say. It’s all the same excuses they’ve heard before but she can tell this time cuts Saira deeper.

Amelia watches Saira clench her fists. For a moment they almost look like claws. Amelia’s blood runs cold and her stomach drops. She looks at her face, Saira looks back at her and in just the slightest moment Amelia looks at her eyes and sees slits for pupils and two orange iris’s staring back at her. Dragon like.

It’s gone just as quickly but the look on Saira’s face shows that she knows what just happened. She looks terrified and away from Amelia. She turns back to the suits, who have maybe seemed to notice the brief outburst as well. 

“I’m sorry. But please, we can’t give up. We are so close to finding out what could be wrong. We just need a little more time and money and the we-”

“I’m sorry. This isn’t something we can do. Not with...not with you,” they say. The four all get up and walk out the room. Saira stands there stiff and cold. She’s trying not to cry, her brain is frazzled and confused. She can’t look at Amelia. Doesn’t want to. She knows she’s still here but she wishes she wasn’t.

After a long tense moment Saira does finally look towards Amelia. The gnome is staring hard at the ground in front of her. There’s a had on her pistol that's strapped to her hip.

“Am I can expl-”

“You. Don’t get to call me that right now,” Amelia snaps out a reply. Saira shrinks under tone and looks away again. “So what are you a spy or something,” she says.

Saira looks confused, “What? No I’m not I just...I wanted to help and the merito…” she trails off. The name meritocrat feels poisonous now so she backtracks, “they weren’t doing anything so I left. I left them and came here to actually try and do something,” she finishes.

Amelia scoffs and now stands. She begins to pace. Saira wants to reach out and make her stop moving so they can look at each other. Try and have a conversation, but she doesn’t. “Amelia I…” she tries. It does, at least for a moment, get her to stop pacing and look over. “I didn’t know how to tell you. How to tell anyone really, but especially you…”

Amelia’s jaw is set as she grinds her teeth for a moment. There’s so much vile in her body right now she wants to spit towards Saira and she tries her best to hold her tongue. “So were you never going to tell me? After everything, after we maybe finally…” she stops a moment, “You were never going to tell me?” she finishes.

“I would’ve. I believe I would’ve but, gods Amelia, does it really matter?” Saira asks desperately, “I’m still me. You know me I-”

“Do I?” Amelia cuts in. Saira takes a step back and Amelia can hear her choke back a small sob.

She’s standing tall again after a moment, her eyes are misty but they’re also angry, “You  _ do  _ know me. I never lied. Not to you. Not to anyone,”

“But you didn’t tell the truth either,” Amelia replies shortly.

Saira lets out a sigh as she looks down at the floor. She’s curled in on herself now, arms crossed around her body as if to hide herself, “No I guess I didn’t,” she says before she pauses, “but you didn’t either,” she counters.

Amelia gives a bitter scoff at that, “Me? Really?” she accuses, “I’m not the one that's a descendant from  _ those things _ ,” she bites. “The things that have oppressed and dismantled generations just because they wanted to the things that-”

“I get it,” Saira interrupts, “I know and I’m...I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I’m sorry if you think I betrayed you, Am, I really am but,” Saira pauses. She’s standing up straight again now and her eyes grow even more angry, “I’m not apologizing for it. I didn’t chose to be a descendant from a _ fucking  _ dragon,” she says. Amelia scoffs and rolls her eyes. The mere mention of the word makes her skin crawl. Saira gives a bitter laugh, “and I certainly didn’t choose to...to fall for someone who would so viciously hate that side of me.”

Amelia winces slightly at that bit. Suddenly every small moment they shared over the last few months plays in her head, all the way up until just last night. This talk was supposed to go better. Supposed to end with maybe a hopeful secret kiss and companionship. Now it’s ruined and both women stand frigid and opposite from one another with feelings of heartbreak and betrayal.

“I don’t have anything more to say to you,” Amelia says. There’s a leap from her heart in her chest as the back of her mind screams at her that she’s handling this all wrong. That it really shouldn’t matter where Saira comes from because she loves her, but the stubborn, deep rooted painful part of her wins out as she stands firm.

Saira bits her bottom lip and gives an understandable nod. “Same here, I suppose,” she says as she turns to gather her things. She’s a step out the door now before she turns back and looks at Amelia again, “Take care, Earhart.”

That’s the last time they speak and pretty much the last time they even see each other. Saira leaves a week later. She returns to her family bank to try and help get control of some money again. There’s rumors of a merger that Amelia doesn’t follow all that closely. She throws herself back onto captaining her ship. She takes any and all supply runs she can while working on expanding her crew. It helps her forget, for the most part, except at night when she lays awake and listens to the ticking of a clock that has the same cadence as the one in Saira’s office.

Life moves on for the both of them. Saira secures funds for the harlequins in secret. Amelia secures supplies. The world gets worse regardless.

The two think of each other often.

**Author's Note:**

> What a fun time it was to write this ha ha so not sad or anything....
> 
> (im sorry Saira you deserve happiness and only happiness i swear)
> 
> thanks to ally for the idea I GUESS.
> 
> thanks for reading...hope you enjoyed?


End file.
